My yoga journey started in 2001 but I didn’t choose yoga. It chose me and it has done that over and over again.
As a gym addict, I felt myself craving something that would bring more balance to my body, mind and most importantly into my life.
In the beginning I approached yoga as I approached everything in life: with perfectionism, by pushing and forcing, by believing that if I did everything perfectly it would do something for me.
It would change me, fix me or make me a better person.
I carried my tendencies with me – perfectionism, being judgmental and critical to both myself and others.
In the end all of this was still following a pattern of trying to control myself and my body. I had merely swapped the gym for yoga, but the desire was still the same, a desire to be in control. Letting go always felt like weakness and being vulnerable.
I had fundamentally only exchanged one addiction for another, and to be honest I was only scratching the surface of Yoga. I only explored the physical part of the practice and had no interest yet in the spiritual side of Yoga – in The True Yoga.
My life crumbled in 2004 after losing my Mother suddenly, and I stopped practicing yoga because I didn’t have the tools to help me deal with my overwhelming grief and loss.
I lost all direction and purpose in life. I closed off many parts of myself. I numbed myself as I just didn’t want to feel.
Once again, this was the only way I was able to be in control.
For years I suffered with another addiction – eating disorders, mainly with bulimia. Overeating helped to hide and suffocate feelings of loneliness, abandonment and anxiety when they arose, being empty of food gave me a different kind of relief as it meant for me that when I was empty of food I was also empty of feelings. Preoccupation with my body distracted me from anxiety, fear and grief.
Change started to happen when I began to ask myself “who am I “, as I knew that I wasn’t the person I wanted to be.
Things really started to change when I found my way back to the yoga mat in 2010.
Slowly yoga stopped being about performance. Yoga stopped being a way to shape my body but allowed more space to tolerate myself, to forgive myself, to love myself, to connect with parts of myself I hadn’t wanted acknowledge for a long time.
I was becoming curious and I felt that so much information was inside of me, but I knew that something was still off balance, I was missing something.
I was still just a weekend warrior.
I was seeking the answers from books, workshops, from my yoga practice and yet couldn’t have that conversation with myself. I was still looking for the answers from outside.
In 2012 I truly evolved from part time spiritual seeker, to a full time practitioner.
I became both the teacher and the student of my own life.
I started to experience the passion for life again and for MY life!
I started to realise that to truly enjoy life as it is, to love all parts of myself, even the broken parts, to accept and love myself through all of it, is true freedom.
And I finally started to do this work for myself.
I started to build my practice around joy, including self care practices because when we feel good we are unstoppable.
I stopped running away. I stopped keeping myself busy and resisting the pain, I just surrendered to all of it.
That’s when the healing came in.
Life is not an end game with a finishing line. It is a journey rather than destination.
Healing is not an achievement. It’s a way of living our everyday life with purpose and dedication. Time does not heal us but healing happens when we actively follow the path of healing.
I stopped thinking about being spiritual, collecting books or the like but actually became engaged in choices every single day, that grounded my understanding of life into a vibrational shift, into an authentic shift.
That gave me freedom!
Yoga has transformed my life and connected me to all that is real. It has changed the way I view the world and given me a different perspective. I have learned to listen, to tune into my deepest intuition and live with acceptance of myself. Yoga has become more than a practice. It has become a way of living on and off the mat. I have found that when we are fully connected, and plugged into an essence which links us all, then this is where the MAGIC happens and our dreams start to unfold.
Whatever led or brought you here, I am so grateful to have connected with you and my hope is that you will join me on this journey and allow me to guide you towards the same kind of freedom that has helped me to find true peace and happiness in my life.